Breaking News from the Players and their Agents
Cork Bowl 14

September 14th - Newell Starts the Trash
September 22nd - Willy Truitt Looks to Make Up for Cork Bowl 8 Loss
September 28th - Patrick Cork Speaks on Garrard's Signing
October 14th - Greg Howard Sounds Off
October 17th - Kirby Newell Adds His Two Cents
November 3rd - Robert Trimble Provides His Opinion from Mexico
November 8th - Wilson, Garrard Exchange Words
November 9th - Chris Cork, Tomlinson Fire Back at Garrard and Wilson
November 12th - Josh Williamson Upset Over Absence of Howard
November 14th - Willy Truitt Comes to Defense of Howard
November 16th - Brooks Wilson Rips Garrard Once Again
November 18th - Garrard Continues Verbal Battle with Wilson
November 19th - Willy Truitt Sits Down with People Magazine
November 23rd - Wilson Continues to Rip Garrard, Chris Cork Answers Immediately
November 24th - Garrard/Wilson Feud Continues
November 25th - Newell Has Had Enough of the Garrard/Wilson Drama
November 28th - Trimble Adds More from Mexico
November 29th - Willy Truitt Thankful That Howard is Playing
November 30th - Kirby Newell Disregards Trimble's Comments
December 3rd - Garrard Pleads for Extra Security

Back to Cork Bowl 


Newell Begins '04 Trash Talking

September 14th - Hello all,

Well, as you are probably aware of, the Parameciums are well on their way to a Cork Bowl title. Now, as a QB, there is only one thing better than having great receivers and that is having an awesome offensive line. Oh yeah, maybe a great running back helps too. Also, a great defense to help take pressure off of your offense is nice too. Anywho, I don't really remember what my point was. I do know that the Dingo did not in fact eat anybody's baby and the dingos will not cause me to throw any interceptions.

Oh yeah, I finally remember what I was thinking. Now as a QB, a great receiving corps is a QB's best friends. With the Truitt boys, Brooke Wilson (or I mean Brooks), I have great receivers. Of course, you can never underestimate the "Tomlinson Factor". Tomlinson is the one guy who can singlehandedly lose a game for a team. However, with my veteran mentality and pure wiley-ness I know enough to just keep the ball away from Tomlinson. On the other hand, I helped Greg Howard win MVP, why not do the same for Tomlinson this year? If my teammates and I were able to do that, we would have to go down in history as the greatest team ever (barely narrowing out the 85' Bears).

I'm really rambling now. Not really sure what I'm saying, I'm sure glad we don't have the drug testing anymore. Okay, back to what I was saying. I'm quite sure that Wilson will have 12-15 catches, Reggie will have 12-15 catches (if he can stay in the game), and Willy will have 12-15 catches. Then, you factor in Tomlinson's 2 catches for 2 TD's and you have me going 41-48 for 7,894 yards and 119 TD's. Yeah, you can figure out what that average yards per catch is yourself. To make a really long story short, I plan on having the greatest game ever played by a QB at any level (including video games and remember that QB's didn't really have incompletions on the original Tecmo Bowl. Which reminds me that I'm still staking claim to being the greatest original Tecmo Bowl player ever).

Now, not to take away anything from the Dingoes because I truly believe that they would annihilate most other teams out there. With the Cork Trio back together, I'm sure they will put up good numbers. I'm sure they will score their fair share of points and the brothers Cork will have their catches. But, you also have to factor in Tony Cork being the QB. Yeah, he was a great one at one time. But, let's face it, when they tried to DNA test his age it wouldn't register. Apparently his DNA had actually rotted away. That is one old dawg right there.

Then, when you factor in the Parameciums' defense you know we mean business. With Jake Hoalt coming off of a stellar year of play, I expect him to completely take care of business this year. It would not suprise me if he knocks Greg Howard out of the game. We also know that Reggie and Brooks will not allow any YAC after the catch. With Willy heading up the revolutionary 2-3 defense we are implementing this year, I just don't really see the Dingoes getting it done this year.

Most importantly though, I think the commissioner needs to get on the horn and get the infamous "Todd" to call this years game with Deano. I just can't say enough about his unexpected rhetoric last year. He just added something that we haven't had since I was in the booth. So, I plead with the commisoner to try and bring that young fellow back.

Greg Howard for President 2036!!!
Kirby

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Willy Truitt Looking for Redemption

The following information comes from the offices of Scott Boras, agent of Willy Truitt

September 22nd - It’s been six years, six long years for Willy Truitt. It was then, after a classic battle at Corklestick Park, he walked away with his head hung low. He was guilty of a lot of second-guessing during that off-season. In those days he was a young gun-slinging quarterback trying to make the next step among Cork Bowl greats. He had two great receivers, Kirby Newell and Reggie Truitt, both in their prime. The league had pumped up the marketing of Truitt, and was betting on his star-power. He didn’t want to dissapoint, especially after a pre-season of much hype and publicity.

In one corner, league officials were very pleased with the results. That same winter, months after the game, commissioner Patrick Cork gloated about the progress, stating, “Cork Bowl 8 had the best ratings yet, and it definitely can be attributed to the solid core of players this league has to offer,” adding, “a core that keeps growing, as Willy Truitt has shown in the past few years.” When asked about the increased marketing of Truitt prior to the game, and whether it would continue, Cork responded, “well, the marketing staff obviously saw something with Willy that they thought they could capitalize on, but that’s not to say next year won’t be different. We all know that sex sells, and we’ve got Greg Howard running around half-naked, I think we’ll probably be looking to market that.”

While the numbers were great, and everything looked good on the outside, Truitt was hurting on the inside. He was upset he couldn’t deliver that championship, after he had stepped out of the shadow of the Cork brothers. Years later Truitt knows why the loss hurts more than any other. He describes it as a wasted opportunity, in many ways, something unknown to him at that point. He was upset initially because it was a championship-caliber team, and he felt he let it down, that he was the weak link. Truitt now knows he could live with that regret, but not the regret that would come years later. The team was unable to bring back the same core due to financial constraints, and personnel problems. By the time those problems had been fixed, other problems existed. In the offseason before the 2001 Cork Bowl, one in which sources indicate a reunion was being negotiated behind closed, locked doors, with no lights on, and Starship's, “We built this city” playing lightly, there was no amount of money that could predict the future. Weeks later, Newell broke his femur, ending the chance of a reunion. It brought the realization that the team would never be rebuilt and Truitt believed he would have to bury that dream. Just before Cork Bowl 11, Truitt acknowledged the potential of the Sasquai team. He stated, “the team with Kirb, Reg and I had a great nucleus, and we didn’t get it done. I don’t want this to happen to this team.” (referring to his Cork Bowl 11 squad, the “Bandicoots”).

Well, the future is now, and the Truitts and Newell have the opportunity to erase the pain of the ’98 loss. It didn’t come together as one would expect, with Newell and the younger Truitt switching positions. While they may be switching positions, they are not switching roles. It was highly publicized in 1998 that Newell was Truitt’s “number 1 receiver”. Now with Newell being signed on as the team's starting QB, Truitt has taken the assignment as the number three receiver. Insiders question whether Willy Truitt will accept that role, and how that will affect the Southern-Mediterranean offense Truitt made popular at the turn of the millennium. One unidentified league source was quoted as saying, “There is no way Willy will be able to handle it, that offense was his baby, and now he has to hand it over to Kirby,” continuing, “let alone, accepting a lesser role within the team. I don’t know what happened there, but obviously management lost a lot of faith in Willy after last year’s lost.” Paramecium management insists this was not the case, but rather a chance to build a deeper team with a greater veteran presence.

Whatever the reason, nobody will be questioning Willy Truitt’s desire to right the ’98 wrong for good. Truitt states that as his reason to play receiver, “It’s just a switch in personnel, but certainly not a switch in priorities. I haven’t played with such a group of veterans in a long time, and look forward to just being able to go out there and play, without having to worry about getting Howard ‘x’ amount of passes before he starts crying” adding, “there are no prima-donnas on this squad, just thirsty veterans.”

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Patrick Cork Adds Insight on the Garrard Signing

September 28th - Well, you can tell it's an election year with the obvious partisanship being displayed from the "Scoop". I can only assume he was writing his most recent article while wearing his Paramecium replica jersey. What happened to the objectivity you used to show "Scoop"? First you rail on one of the game's founding fathers, without whom you would have no job as a columnist, and then go on to describe all the ways how a paramecium can defeat a dingo in graphic detail, and THEN say everyone needs to trash-talk because that's the most fun part now that "WE'RE all ancient". "We"?? I'm beginning to think that you may be a player for the Parameciums using this "Scoop" moniker as a guise. I had my doubts before, and this really helped my case. I'll be doing some "scooping" of my own in the coming weeks and months to get to the bottom of this. This has major conspiracy written all over it and could make the Dan Rather fiasco look like a cakewalk. Consider yourself warned.

As for Garrard, let me give you some information since you apparently haven't been following Cork Bowl for the past 6 years. I love ya Tomlinson, so don't take this personally, but I have to present the facts. Since Cork Bowl 7, Mr. Tomlinson has been guarded by a variety of players and no matter who has been on him, the fact remains he has caught more than 5 passes one time (7 in Cork Bowl 10). For the love of pete he was guarded by Coach Cork in Cork Bowl 12 and caught all of 3 passes?!? You don't think Garrard can do as well as a 55 year old man guarding R.T.? I saw Garrard this weekend and the guy is in peak physical condition already and he still has 2 1/2 months of perparation time left. And to rail on Garrard as if he's some sort of sideshow? If it weren't for the sacrifices of people like Garrard, you'd still be writing for the Sugar Creek Times. He, along with a handful of other noble warriors, were there at the beginning. He didn't show up once Cork Bowl had gained its popularity like you - he paid his dues at the start. I think he should be treated with at least a hint of respect from some Johnny-come-lately like yourself. By predicting Tomlinson will have 10 catches, you also predicted he'll have 3 fumbles so there is some bad to go along with the good.

I'll update on "Scoop-Gate" when I have gathered more information.

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Greg Howard Sounds Off

October 14th - I can't believe it's this close to the game and there is hardly any trash talk going on. Well once again I guess I'll end that. I just finished reading the Cork Bowl preview page in which I was reading up on Reggie Truitt and his unbelievable ability to get hurt every game! I think there should be a stat kept on most times the game has to stop due to player injury. If there was a figure on that Reggie would have that category locked down. Too bad there isn't though because Reggie hasn't locked down anything for awhile. I also happened across a quote that stated the receiving core of Wilson, Reggie, and Willy is going to be one of the most explosive receiving cores in the game. This statement can hold true if you're only discussing the first quarter. Willy hasn't had to catch much of anything over the years....could he be a little rusty at the receiver slot? Wilson has proved himself but could his age play a factor....we'll see. Lastly, it's been shown that Reggie can catch the ball, but word on the street is that he's caught a serious case of pussitis and plans to play through it. We'll see I guess.

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Kirby Newell Adds His Two Cents

October 17th - Okay Cork Bowlers,

What the heck is Greggy Howard doing talking trash? I don't get it? He wrote his first bit of trash talk the other day and now he is talking about us being a disgrace because we aren't talking? I don't get it. It would have been completely different if he'd written 16 articles talking trash and nobody was responding. It was his first article that he has written and now he's complaining. Typical Greggy.

It reminds me a lot of when Greggy would drop 8 passes (ala Kevin Ryan) and then complain that people stopped throwing him the ball. Very similar situatations. Neither situation makes sense from anybody's perspective except Greggy's.

Okay, as far as people complaining about my team not talking trash, it is probably because my teammates aren't very concerned about Dangoes. Speaking of the Dangoes, I hear that there will be an awful lot of "Ding Dango!!" coming from coach Cork's mouth as he throws 6 yard interception after 6 yard interception....

Take care and God bless!!!

Kirby

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Robert Trimble Provides His Opinion from Mexico

November 3rd - To all Cork Bowler's worldwide, and especially to those in the Robinson League, I give this notice. This upcoming season, you should all be ready rumble come December 4th. You will have had acquired the needed strength for the game from the recent turkey day, and the cold bitter air should be good for your lungs come game day.

However! If these aspects of the game's much needed preparation play a benefitting part in your performance this year, do not let yourself begin to think that the competition would be better or more challenging elsewhere in the world. The Cork Bowl's Mexican League has been a huge disappointment for me, as all they wish to do here is eat tacos and take siestas. I expected there to be more challenging competition here, as they are used to the physical toughness from playing soccer since birth, but I was dead wrong.

On a different note, I read the Cork Bowl 14 preview, and I wasn't at all surprised to see that the annual trash talking had once again been started by Greg Howard. I remember back when I was still in Jr. High, hearing about the Enforcers and the Linson Crew. I would always hear about how the Enforcers would always sound tough when no one is around, but when it came down to it, they simply did not come through with what they say. As years have passed by, it has become evident to me that our little Greg has not outgrown his high school "toughness" and has continued to prove that his bark is worse than his bite. I am therefore projecting that Kirby Newell will do the unthinkable, and throw an amazing game, leading to Tomlinson receiving the MVP award for this year's contest. Plus, Brian Garrard spent numerous plays pouring over defensive positions and routes, and I see no one better fit to guard Tomlinson on his way to victory.

Again, to all Cork Bowlers worldwide, simply because you might have a spectacular game this upcoming winter, do not do as I did and look for more talent elsewhere in the world. The best you will ever find will be in Robinson, Illinois, just north of the WTYE radio station, on December 4, 2004.

--Trimby

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Wilson, Garrard Exchange Words

November 8th - In a heated exchange at this year's first press conference, Brian Garrard and Brooks Wilson exchanged verbal jabs. Wilson returned last year from a seven-year absence from Cork Bowl and Garrard will be returning this year following 11 years away from the game. Some of their quotes are listed below:

From Garrard: "I saw Wilson last year and was so unimpressed that I knew I could come back for this year's game. Tomlinson will be shut down in the first quarter and will no longer be a target. Then I can be on Wilson and shut him down too. I'm hoping Wilson is getting in real good shape so I at least have to put some kind of effort into shutting him down."

From Wilson: ""When it comes to comebacks - not all of them are created equal. Sure, Chris has been barrelling his way through Cork Bowls for years and he just won't go away. We can't pay Coach enough to keep him away. And then, there's me. The fans couldn't pay enough to watch me play again. But now, we have the issue of Garrard....Chipped tooth notwithstanding (and I'm still skeptical about the evidence and cover-up going on there), Garrard has entered a new millenium of Cork Bowl football. He just doesn't have the stuff. His days of activity are over. I'm afraid that I'll make a catch on a well-timed Newell throw over the middle and squash him. Now (can it be true?) I have to worry about leaving a little one fatherless?!? I'm not sure that I can play under those circumstances. I really fear for Brian's life."

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Chris Cork, Tomlinson Fire Back at Wilson and Garrard

November 9th - It appears the Garrard-Wilson press conference has fueled the upcoming rivalry between the Dingoes and Parameciums. Just one day after Wilson and Garrard exchanged words at the press conference, Chris Cork and Ryan Tomlinson fired back at their comments:

From Chris: "Wilson must be getting old. Or maybe just suffering from sleep deprivation. With "G-on" patrolling the secondary, he'll be lucky to sniff a catch let alone hurt anybody afterwards. Hopefully the protozoans are practicing their interception return defense, because with "G-on" on the field that may be their most important play. I even heard "G-on" was going to wear #29 to represent his age just like another future Hall of Famer did this year. And what is "a well-timed Newell pass"? That sounds harder to find than a paramecium."

From Tomlinson: "Garrard is going down!!! That is all I have to say. I will be there in the best shape of my life! He will die a slow death the day we meet on the battlefield. He has no idea what he is in for and the pain that I will bring him! I will sinlge-handledly bring down the Dingoes. They have no chance."

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Josh Williamson Upset Over Absence of Howard

November 12th - I just don't know how the integrity of Cork Bowl can last without the match-up of Josh Williamson and Greg Howard. True, the line-up for this year's Cork Bowl, is (once again) an all-star cast. Who can deny that we expect to see the Cork brothers and the Truitt brothers go for the glory? Not to mention Tony Cork and Kirby Newell at the helm for each of the teams? These six people comprise the "Generals" of the Cork Bowl...however, the real battle is fought in the trenches by the men of the infantry - Greg Howard and Josh Williamson. True, we aren't signing multi-million dollar endorsement deals like the Truitts or the Corks, but we are a necessary part of the Championships that these stars have won. Without the Howard-Williamson match-up this year, I wonder where that will leave Cork Bowl. Has the integrity been lost? That is the question I leave you with...

--Josh

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Younger Truitt Comes to Defense of Howard

November 14th - Newbie reciever Willy Truitt was working on some side-line drills when he recieved word of Greg Howard's unexpected announcement. He figured it was some sort of plot, or just Howard was holding out for more money following last year's MVP performance. The next bit of news upset him, and he doesn't believe it's true.

Early media reports circulating in the greater Indianapolis area cited several sources claiming Howard had flunked a drug test because of steroid use. The shock and disgust was obvious to all surrounding Truitt. Paramecium reciever's coach Calvin Fox could tell Truitt's concentration was lost after finding out about Howard, stating, "He was lost out there, kept dropping passes and running dirty routes. It got to the point where we just had to wrap it up and go inside and play Sega Genesis Sonic the Hedgehog 2."

Truitt would not answer questions while leaving the team's facilities, but his people did release this statement early Thursday: "Willy does not believe the rumors going around, and he believes the truth will come out in due process. Willy has never seen Howard engage in those activities, and cannot imagine him sacrificing team goals for personal glory."

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Wilson Rips Garrard Again

November 16th - "G-on"? Sounds like the kind of nickname adopted by athletes who have nothing left. Almost like "Bullet." My hunch is that the Dingo's are in desperate need of talent - football talent - not color commentating talent, like the critically acclaimed "G-on." Perhaps, he should wear the number 29 on his back, representing his age. It will also be the number of times that he will be put on his back come gameday...

--Brooks

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Garrard Continues Verbal Battle with Wilson

November 18th - On my back 29 times???? Is Wilson saying I will have 29 interceptions/receptions during the game? The one thing that worries me about the substitution rule, if the league approves it, is Wilson not wanting to be in the game the same time I am. He won't see the ball when I'm in the game, so he'll want to only play when I'm on the bench. He probably won't even see the ball then, because Chris or Patrick will be the ones providing blanket coverage. I do predict by the end of the game Wilson will be so frustrated he might put me on my back from a cheap shot (that is what he's known for).

BG (a.ka. "G-on")

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Willy Truitt Interviews with People Magazine

November 19th – In his most candid interview to date, Paramecium receiver Willy Truitt ponders this year's game, as well as his future with the league in the December 3rd issue of People Magazine.

(transcript)

PM: Some media ‘experts’ have you as an early choice for MVP, what do you think of those reports?

WT: First, on many occasions these “experts” have been wrong before. It’s easy to throw something out there and see if it sticks. I’m not walking out onto the field thinking about it. There are two prime-time guys in front of me that are going to get a lot of looks, rightfully so, and I’ll just clean up the mess when necessary.

PM: Speaking of MVP’s, last year’s MVP has been under the steroid microscope, have you talked to your former teammate?

WT: No, Greg screens his calls.

PM: What do you think of Howard and Williamson’s absence from this year’s game?

WT: Well, it makes you wonder where this is all headed. It is a very critical time for the league. Do they want to stick with the names that built this league, or bring in some ‘young guns’ who would probably put on a better show? The last two years have not been pretty, that’s no secret.

PM: Which direction do you see the league going?

WT: I’m not sure. I’d like to see them slowly integrate a few youngsters in here and there, but keep the core veterans the fans can identify. I’m glad I’m not the one to make those decisions. The league has had very good communication with the teams, and the full-time QB’s, and the sixth man are great examples of that rapport.

PM: After last year’s game, you hinted at retirement in your post-game interview. Are you still thinking about retirement?

WT: That was just a lot of emotion coming out. There was a time when I thought I’d never stop playing, but the past few years have made me reflect. I basically made on the record comments when they should have been off the record, or not said at all.

PM: How many years do you have left?

WT: I want to go out with Williamson, Howard, and Henney on the field. So, this year won’t be my last. I have to go out there and see what I have left in the tank. Last year was pitiful. This league needs Jeff Henney back. He was a true champion. This year will be a new challenge. I’m looking forward to the change.

PM: Since you brought it up, where is your career headed?

WT: Haha, that is a good question. It’s definitely at a crossroads. Last year was the first time I have played any position other than QB since my first or second game ever. That is insane to think that I played that long at one position. But, the game has changed and evolved and I think that now is the time to step aside and try something else. It’s my belief and I have made it known to those in power, that this league needs Kirby Newell and Tony Cork involved a lot more than it needs me to be quarterbacking.

PM: How comfortable are you going from being the captain of your team every year to being possibly the number three weapon this year?

WT: Well, I don’t know that I was always the captain. I played with lots of guys who didn’t need to be coached. I have always been a silent leader if anything. I try to show confidence while I’m out there, and let the guys like my brother, Pat and Kirby do most of the talking out on the field. Chris Cork and I have a very similar demeaner on the field. I also think that if I am the number three receiver this year, we are in great shape. I think Kirby is going to have a lot of fun with us running around like crazy every down. We just had a productive camp, and we made it a priority to keep everyone healthy.

PM: Speaking of health, how is your brother doing after his game ending injury last year?

WT: He’s doing great, probably in better shape now than he has been since the years with Henney. It’s gong to be good to run routes with Reg instead of throwing to him. It will be awkward, but it was awkward not having him out there at all like last year. I don’t ever wanna play in another game without him. It took away from my confidence. If people want to know when I am going to retire, I’d say talk to my brother. When he decides to hang it up, I’ll pry be soon to follow. Who knows maybe we’ll make that announcement together when the time comes. I’d love to walk away from the game that made us a household name after winning another championship with him. That would be great.

PM: It is well-known that this is your contract year, how is that going to affect you play?

WT: Who knows, I have made a lot of money off of this game and spent it all foolishly. So, you know if not being the premiere QB anymore hurts my chances of getting another big contract, so be it. We all can’t be Kirby Newell and have everything. I think it’s time to start giving back to the game. Early in my career I was doing deals with everyone out there. Now, I have basically cut that back to just Puma, and doing promo stuff for the league. Corporate America has changed me and this league, and the results have been great for the most part. Unfortunately, all that stuff takes your focus away from the game, I’m finally getting my hunger back.

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Wilson Continues to Rip Garrard, Chris Cork Answers

November 23rd - From Wilson: "All I keep hearing about is this blanket coverage expected by people like "G-on" and Chris. Now I know that I'm no spring chicken, but those two toothless fogies will be lucky if they can put together an afghan coverage (full of holes). As for the new substitution rules, I say bring it on. Any chance to cheap-shot Garrard is welcome. I can't wait until Coach (also no spring chicken - heck he's not even a spring pterodactyl) floats one of his trademark lazy passes over the middle to "G-on." I'll be there licking my chops and putting ole 29 on his back - without an interception, without a reception, and without comprehension."

Chris Cork answered Wilson's comments immediately: "Wilson is obviously still suffering the effects of the pile up on the final play of last year's game. Once he gets those cobwebs out, I'm sure he'll remember that not only is he not a spring chicken, but he's the Colonel Sanders' Extra Crispy chicken. I'm looking forward to scoring a bucket-full of TDs. And if he's looking for chances to cheapshot Garrard, I'd start by looking in the endzone. He'll probably find him there with the football."

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Garrard/Wilson Feud Continues

November 24th - From Garrard: Coach might not even be a spring pterodactyl, but he certainly doesn't float passes into his receivers. What might appear to be passes floating is really extraordinary timing between coach and his receivers. He doesn't have to throw a Brett Favre-type pass when there is perfect timing. The passing records set by the old guy in Cork Bowl 8 prove my point. I'm predicting more passing records in Cork Bowl 14 from the Dingoes QB. I said it before and I'll say it again...Wilson will be so frustrated by the end of the game, he will be cheap-shotting anyone who gets close to him (even his own teammates).

From Patrick Cork: It's amazing how much trash is being directed at Garrard from Wilson. Why would Reverend Wilson spend all of his time ripping our team's defensive replacement? The answer is pretty simple. He knows that Garrard is the only player in this game that has fewer offensive numbers than he does. Even Tomlinson has more catches and touchdowns than Wilson. So as Wilson spends his energy attacking our emotional leader, Chris, Greg, Kevin and myself will be scoring touchdowns all afternoon. Hey, at least he talks a good game. Had Garrard not been out of commission for 11 years with that chipped tooth, who knows what kinds of numbers he would have. I can guarantee you that he'd have more Cork Bowl wins than Wilson...of course the Reverend doesn't have any wins so that wouldn't be a big accomplishment. And now he goes after the veteran quarterback - the 2nd highest rated passer in Cork Bowl history? Give me a break. The only reason why he would do such a thing is because he dreams of the day he can play with a quarterback like the old coach. I assume Wilson will be wearing a green jersey to show his envy next Saturday. Of course, if it weren't for the Old Coach throwing him passes in the 3rd and 4th quarters last year, his numbers would have been Tomlinson-esque. Now that I think about it, in Wilson's only other modern-day Cork Bowl (#5), Coach Cork filled in at QB late in that game too helping Wilson artificially inflate his numbers....interesting that Wilson has turned against the only QB that has shown an ability to throw a perfect-enough pass for even him to catch. I will admit that the Rev put up decent numbers last year, albeit after the team's number one receiver left hurt and after our team went to a soft zone defense with our 5-touchdown lead. Hey, at least he would have made a good fantasy football play last year. It's always a good move to have a receiver on your fantasy team whose team is going to lose big so he can rack up catches late in the blowout. However, fantasies don't win Cork Bowls - winners win Cork Bowls.

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Newell Has Had Enough of Garrard/Wilson Drama

November 25th - I'm going to be honest: what the heck is all of this worry about Garrard, aka "P-On", and Wilson? Is the league going to fold if these two are gone? Heck no, we didn't miss them while they were gone and we would move on if they didn't come back. Now, that is not to say that I'm not thrilled to have them playing this year, but the game is not going to be historic because they are both playing again. Does anyone really believe that Garrard is going to score 10 TDs? Well, if Tomlinson is guarding him the entire time he is in on offense then it could happen, but otherwise it isn't going to happen.

Wilson, my teammate and soon to be superstar, is letting Garrard egg him on. As the QB and a co-leader of our team, it is my job to keep Wilson cool and under control. We all realize that the minister of insults could go Artest on us at any moment. Therefore, I'm going to do my best to make sure it doesn't happen. I ask the fans not to pester Wilson or they might pay the price the way some of the Piston fans did.

We all know that Garrard is very intelligent. He realizes that he can't beat Wilson on the field so he is attacking Brooks where he can beat him, MENTALLY. However, this is not going to get to Wilson because I won't let it. I will be right there by Brooks' side, along with the Truitts, to keep him calm and cool. Yeah, Wilson can cheap shot much the same way that Artest can. Artest is certified crazy. Wilson is certified Pastor. Go figure?

My point is, this game is not about Garrard and Wilson. This rivalry doesn't compare to the Chris Cork/Me rival of the late 90's. Chris and I were/are superstars. Wilson and Garrard are almost weres, could have beens, and probably won'ts. So, let's all move on and concentrate on the game at hand and not the nonsense that we are seeing from the "wish we weres".

K.R. Newell

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Trimble Adds More from Mexico

November 28th - You know, I am thousands of miles away from the main playing field and the source of drama for this great sport, but one thing has still become evident to me. I just got done reading Kirby's whining about the drama between Garrard and Brooks, and it just seems to me that Kirby is becoming a little jealous of the two upcoming stars taking all the spotlight. After all, half the fun of Cork Bowl is just all the talk that goes on before the actual game day!

Kirby does make the point that the game is not about Garrard and Wilson. I agree. However, he goes on to say in the very next sentence that this verbal confrontation between 2 fellow players can't even compare to HIS RIVALRY back in the stone age. And furthermore, how we should all concentrate on the game at hand, and drop this "nonsense." Well I disagree Kirby. This is what Cork Bowl is all about. Not about keeping score on who had the "better rivalry." I would have thought that after being around Coach for all these years, you would have known by now........ the only real rivalry is NOT the one that you have with the other competitors. It is the one that pushes you to do your best, to give it your all, and to not look back---it is the one that is inside yourself.

----TRIMBY

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Willy Truitt Thankful Howard is Playing

November 29th - I tried enjoying my Thanksgiving dinner, but all I could think of was how weak Kevin Ryan and Brian Garrard will be on defense. I hadn’t slept in days because I was unsure that Greg Howard would even be playing in this year’s game.

I kept thinking to myself, “who is going to guard me, who will I guard?” Then it struck, if Howard doesn’t play, I will be guarding Kevin Ryan. Do you know how hard it is to run that SLOW? Luckily the news of Howard’s reinstatement came before my Turkey dinner. If the league offices had not sent out that bulletin page to my mobile phone, I would have proceeded with plan A.

Plan A: Goal: You are guarding Kevin Ryan.
Mission: Eat as much as you can in the next 10 days, so you will be able to run that slow. My brother thought that breaking one leg would be the fairest thing to do, but I have a pretty mean hop.

You heard it here first: I could guard Kevin Ryan “the baby beaner” with one leg.

Thank you Greg Howard. You saved me from cellulite, a double chin, and most importantly, a future blind belief in the Atkins diet. I owe you a cold one.

Can’t wait to run around chasing the “International Sex Symbol of Cork Bowl” in 5 days.

Willy Truitt
Paramecium Receiver No. 3
“Hop to Trot”

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Newell Disregards Trimble's Thoughts

November 30th - First of all, is anybody going to listen to someone that willfully goes by the nickname "Trimby"??????? Yeah, I don't think so. Also, "Trimby" seems to act as though he is a Cork Bowl expert. He has played in one stinkin' game!!! One game, that is it and he knows what it is all about. He never played in the glory years and can never understand it all.

As for me being jealous, that is nonsense (much like "Trimby"). Wilson is a professional and is a welcome member of Team Truitt. However, P-On and all of the nonsense surrounding him is just outrageous. P-On has accomplished nothing in his Cork Bowl career except 'offensive coordinating' a Cork Bowl win. We all know who really called the plays in that game and it sure wasn't P-On.

My advice to "Trimby" is simple. First off, change the nickname. You might as well go by "Weakling" if you're going to go by "Trimby". Secondly, don't talk about something that you can't possibly understand. Finally, when you are talking about life lessons from Coach, then you really need to examine your thought process. So"Trimby", why don't you go make all of us some burritos and mind your business.

Kirby (and I think I speak for all Cork Bowlers)

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Garrard Pleads for Extra Security

December 3rd - With the recent news that Akeya Harper will not be attending the game, I am not allowing Nancy to be in the stands during the game Saturday. I know the fans can become rowdy and Akeya was the one fan who calmed things down. I have also urged Comissioner Cork to ban all Soda/Hot Chocolate sales after halftime to no avail. With Wilson frustrated, he could pull a Ron Artest if he gets hit with anything from the crowd. I could also see Kirby acting like Stephen Jackson and start taking swings at fans trying to protect Wilson. I had to calm Kirby down a few times last year after some fans became rowdy and started yelling things at the players.

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