The Latest Headlines from Cork Bowl 23

October 24th - Cork Bowl 23 Postponed

 Back to Cork Bowl


Cork Bowl 23 Postponed

October 24th - For the first time since November 1990, Corklestick Park will be vacant this winter. There will be no Cork Bowl. After 22 historic years of football excellence, Cork Bowl 23 has officially been postponed. “It is with a heavy heart that I make this announcement today,” remarked an emotional Commissioner Patrick Cork in a prepared statement. “To have such a successful run for 22 years is pretty unprecedented in this era of sports, but the last few months have shown that even Cork Bowl isn’t immune to the problems that face our sports world today.”

Although specific details regarding the cancellation of this year’s game have yet to be released, rumors have surfaced that there was a mini-player’s strike that was unable to be resolved in time for this year’s game which was scheduled to take place on Saturday, December 7th. “When you only have 12 players in a league, it doesn't take very many people to bring it down. When you have prima donnas like Greg Howard, Robert Trimble and Chris Cork running the show, it was only a matter of time before the personal egos became bigger than the game,” remarked an anonymous league source named Evan Woodard. “We have a multi-million dollar television deal to broadcast the game every year. These guys get paid a lot of money to play one game a year, or in the case of Chris Cork – about 15 minutes each year. And that’s not to mention the sponsorship deals some of them have on the side, but some people are never satisfied.” The CBPA (Cork Bowl Players Association) President Ryan Tomlinson could not be reached for comment at his $10 million mansion in Florida. Another rumor is regarding a potential lawsuit in the works from the retired players regarding their post-football lives. All-time great Brooks Wilson has been very outspoken the past few years regarding the long-term aftereffects of his long Cork Bowl career. "I have a family and a ministry to run," remarked Wilson. "And quite frankly, the abuse my body suffered over the years playing Cork Bowl has had a sometimes debilitating effect on my life. I don't think it's too much to ask for Cork Bowl to help make my life more manageable." Commissioner Cork refused to respond directly to the lawsuit allegations, although he did take a swipe at Wilson. "Any long-term post-football issues Wilson may or may not have can be directly attributed to his history of late hits and cheapshots," remarked Cork. "When you willingly go after other players away from the play or well after the play is over, I don't feel sorry for you. The players that played the game the right way aren't whining about their injuries after they retired. You don't see Garrard suing the league for his chipped tooth in Cork Bowl 2 do you?"

The news hit some of the players hard. “Devastated is the only word I can find to describe how I feel,” said 17-year veteran Willy Truitt. “This game has never been about the individual over the team….actually, now that I think about it, that’s exactly what’s it’s always been about. This game has been “me-first” from day one. Did I mention that I have thrown 213 touchdown passes in my career?” “I would be a nobody if it weren’t for the opportunities Cork Bowl has provided me with over the past two decades,” added 17-year veteran Greg Howard. “Check out these guns man! I’ve made so much money from my contracts with Balco and Biogenesis over the years that I don’t care what people say about me anymore. But yes, I am upset we aren’t playing this year.” Up-and-comer Evan Woodard was shocked at the news. “Cork Bowl has such a rich history. Although I’ve only been a part of it for six years, it breaks my heart that this fine fall tradition has come to an end.” Robert Trimble felt other factors were at play. "Let's see here...I've won 4 MVP awards and have never played better than I have the past few years. And there is someone else who has 4 MVP awards to his name, who is obviously on the downside of his career and won't be winning anymore as long as he plays, and that person just happens to also be the commissioner. It's not hard to see what's going on here."

Others weren’t nearly as disappointed with the news that this year’s game was being postponed. “Did we even play last year? I don’t remember playing last year,” added 22 year stalwart Chris Cork. “I thought we stopped playing after #20 a few years ago. But since we apparently have been playing the past few years, yes, I’m disappointed too….I guess.” The league's harshest critic spoke out in jubilation. "This came about 21 years too late if you ask me," remarked Judy Cork. The news even sent shockwaves across the Pacific Ocean as Cork Bowl great Jeff Henney, now living in Laos, was disappointed to hear the news. "I never thought I'd live to see the day when there was no Cork Bowl. The game has been the lifeblood of Robinson for over 20 years - I hope the town can survive."

There are a lot of rumblings that last year’s game may indeed be the final Cork Bowl with skeptics pointing to the now seemingly defunct chair baseball league that has not played a single game since the summer of 2010. However, Commissioner Cork emphasized that the cancellation of this year’s game does not necessarily mean the era of Cork Bowl has ended. “We absolutely have made no plans whatsoever to extend this layoff past this year. It was a perfect storm that all came together at the wrong time - we're going to do everything in our power to not let this happen again in the future. The passion is still there for most of the players, and we have the second generation getting really close to becoming eligible to strap on the cleats in the years to come. I think this one-year hiatus will strengthen our league and provide the downtime we need to focus on what the next 22 years will look like.”

back to top




Back to Cork Bowl