Welcome to "The Scoop" - 2004

The Scoop will be posting more updates periodically, so be sure to check back frequently!


"The Scoop" is Back with His Views on Cork Bowl XIV

Disclaimer: The Scoop's opinions do not necessarily reflect the opinions of anybody else! However, they most likely do.

Please be aware that "The Scoop" is not directly associated with Cork Bowl in any way. He actually pays Cork Bowl to have his articles posted each week. Please do not think that these ramblings are the same views that Cork Bowl maintains.

September 15 - The "Scoop" is Back for Year Number 5
September 27 - The "Scoop" Discusses the Signing of Brian Garrard
October 29 - The "Scoop" Gives His MVP Predictions
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September 15th - The "Scoop": The Best in Invesstigative Sports Reporting

Well, I know that everybody missed me a great deal. And, I know that you all are waiting to hear something amazing. Unfortunately, I don't have much at the moment. The only thing I can report is an injury and that Greg Howard is still, well, you know.

On the injury front, I would like to report an injury to the enigmatic Ryana Tomlinson. From what my sources are reporting, he may not be able to play due to ascended testicles. It is quite possible that Ryana will be having a surgery to have this problem fixed. I'm sure that it could only help his performance.

So, that is really all I have right now. Hopefully I'll be hearing from you all soon.

I'm out like Mikey when he was col-cocked by Buster.


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September 27th - The "Scoop": The Best in Invesstigative Sports Reporting

BRIAN GARRARD!!! BRIAN GARRARD!!! BRIAN GARRARD!!!! Wow, I've laughed a lot in my life, with me being a comedic genius and all, but I've never laughed as much as I did when I read that Brian Garrard is going to be the defensive substitute.

Honestly, I've never thought much of Ryan Tomlinson as a football player. Haven't really had a reason to. However, I now truly believe that Ryana Tomlinson has a legitimate shot of winning game MVP. No, it's not because he has worked hard or improved. No, it isn't because he has taken therapy to get his head right and recover from the hit that Kirby Newell gave him about 5 or 6 years ago. It is all because of Garrard. He is a great golfer, a rather hilarious person, even has done some good things on the chair baseball field. But, Brian Garrard is the same person who has taken apporximately 9 or 10 years to recover from a chipped tooth. Yes, a chipped tooth. Tomlinson will have 10 plus catches this year.

Also, I've recently read where the Parameciums, a single celled protozoan cannot beat a more complex creature such as a Dingo. Further research suggests otherwise. A paramecium can be very deadly if not taken care of immediately. A paramecium very well could get into a dingo's water supply and affect him greatly. Perhaps with the diahrrea. As we all know, the diahrrea is not something that you can play through. You can play through the flu. You can play through a cold, you can even play through a sinus infection. However, you cannont play through the diahrrea. Between the constant cramping, dehydration, and need to use the bathroom constantly, you just can't play through. Ask Bobby Hurley if you don't beleive me. So, I have to give the edge to the paramecium in the toughness category. (The dingos win the intelligence category though).

Alrighty, so far there hasn't been much talk going on at the webpage. I would like to encourage people to get on their computers and get involved. You can't really have much fun talking smack if no one is listening. We all know that the pregame talk is the most enjoyable part anyways now that we are all ancient. So, get busy and get typing everyone.

"Scooping OUT"


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October 29th - The "Scoop": The Best in Invesstigative Sports Reporting

Tomlinson and MVP in the same sentence!!! Come on' people. Tomlinson hasn't been an impact player since he was impacted by one Kirby Newell on the sideline about 7 or so years ago. There is no way Tomlinson wins the MVP.

First of all, to win the MVP you have to show up. However, if Tomlinson doesn't show up I'd probably vote for him as MVP of the Paramecium team. That would definitely be the best case scenario for them. Now, Tomlinson, aka Ryana, will probably show up just to spite his teammates. Then, he'll do something in the first quarter just impressive enough to make you think he doesn't suck. However, the rest of his performance will prove otherwise.

Smart money is for the MVP award to go to Willy Truitt. Now, if Kirby Newell were playing both ways I'd put my money on him. However, I don't really think a 1 way player can be elgible for the award unless he puts up amazing (27 or so TDs) numbers. Willy is younger than most playing and still fairly active by Cork Bowl standards. I feel that he is the early favorite in my mind to win the award.

Now, if you want to talk about amazing and unexpected things happening,ala the Red Sox winning the series, I've got a couple to throw out at ya. What do you think the odds are of Kevin Ryan going the entire game without dropping at least 5 balls? If he went the entire game without a drop, that would be the most amazing thing ever! Or, if Reggie Truitt goes through an entire game without getting at least one injury time out!! That would be truly a spectacular occurence. However, the one thing in the world that I can't imagine happening without the apocalypse being far behind...........well, if Coach Cork could go through an entire game saying less than 3 things that make absolutely no sense! That WOULD BE SCARY!!


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